Continue reading »]]> Just putting Hugo to the side for one second, there’s something I want to say today.

It’s not until you see how big your friends kids have grown that you realise how long ago it was you saw your friend.   And if you have kids, your friends say the same to you too don’t they.  It seemed like yesterday you caught up and life seems much the same but it’s constantly moving and growing around you.

We all talk about how fast time fly’s and it’s a year ago today that Christchurch remembers the devastating earthquake that struck our city.   We remember the chaos of the day, the people who lost their lives, the damage to our homes and streets, almost like it happened yesterday.

Today as we remember that dreadful day, let’s take stock of what’s really important in our lives.  Our families and friends, those relationships that matter.   Also, maybe give that friend you thought you saw just yesterday a call.

Continue reading »]]> For nine months our bodies go through quite a series of changes. Our lifestyles also change as we make better decisions for both ourselves and our babies. And then there’s just the little things we can’t do anymore, like lay on our stomachs. I really miss laying on my stomach. That’s my most comfortable sleeping position. This weekend we enjoyed an hour napping at a nearby beach and I was thrilled to dig a little hole for my belly and relax. It was pure bliss, I tell you!

What do you miss from before you were pregnant?

*Kate*

Continue reading »]]> According to the World Health Organization, 80% of women should have a normal birth with no intervention, which to me says that 80% of women can safely opt to birth at home. But they aren’t. Why?

The United States has one of the highest caesarean section rates in the world. In the US, those 80% of healthy women (mentioned above) actually end up with interventions that could have been prevented had they had a homebirth, but I’m not going to get into that discussion right now. I just want to give you some context. So thank goodness there has been an increase of women choosing to have home births in the US recently, albeit a slow increase. Perhaps it’s because more information on the option is hitting the mainstream consciousness, and slowly, more women are realizing it’s not just a “hippie approach” but actually very safe. Here’s an article by Ricki Lake entitlted, “Why are more women birthing at home?” that reflects on the influence her recent home birth documentaries might have on the trend. And here is an article about the recent increase, “More U.S. Babies Born at Home”. Though there is an increase, it’s still a very, very small percentage of women. Some states in the US still ban midwifery altogether. Only 5% of births in the US are attended by midwives (midwifeusa.com) which shows you how small a percentage of that statistic even do home births. I love my home country like crazy, but in this area, I am sad to say the US has been failing. But I still raise my glass to progress we are seeing, no matter how slow.

After living here in New Zealand for the last two years, it’s been wonderful being surrounded by a culture that embraces birth as a natural process (is less about unnecessary medical intervention) and values midwifery. According to the NZ College of Midwives, the majority of women in New Zealand give birth in a maternity facility with a midwife in attendance. Good on you NZ for being amazing. Here is a link to some interesting history on midwifery in NZ. 

Though midwifery is common, home births still aren’t very typical. According to the NZ College of Midwives, only approximately 4-6 % of women choose to give birth at home. In the course of a generation, home births have gone from the norm to becoming quite abnormal—read more here.

Here is a good starting place to learn about home births in NZ: Home Birth Aoteroa.  Have you birthed at home? Are you planning to birth at home? Or do you know of anyone who has? What are your thoughts?

*Kate*

Continue reading »]]> So I’ve had this strange respiratory problem for a month now, and it’s nothing like I’ve ever experienced before. I have to blame pregnancy for it being so strange. Before pregnancy when a cold set in, I would get a sore throat and immediately knock out sickness within a few days by taking garlic and vitamins. I’ve seen the power of garlic save me from many colds in the past so I frequently recommend it to everyone when they get sick. This time, however, it hasn’t worked. At least, not fully. It may be staving off extreme symptoms but it’s not killing the virus. I didn’t want to bore you with my sad tale but not much else has been happening the last month, pregnancy wise, except for battling this thing, so I thought I’d write a little about my struggle as of late.

At first my chest felt tight for a few days which sent me in a panic. I had no other symptoms. No congestion. No sore throat. Just a hard time breathing, while doing nothing; while being at rest. It was very scary as I suddenly felt asthmatic (I’ve never had asthma but it felt the way I imagine it to feel). The doctor didn’t know what was going on and just blamed it on pregnancy (which frustrated me to hear that!) I spent several days laying on the couch, trying not to panic. Breathing was laboured, unlike anything I’ve ever had. A few days later slight congestion came in, which made me realize I must be getting sick and somehow my lungs felt it first. But colds have never frightened me before. This was very strange. For four weeks the congestion has been off and on. Some days are harder to breathe than others, and it still feels scary paying attention to every breath I take. When breathing is normal, it’s natural and involuntary. You never think about it. It comes easily.

Then last week the tightness in my chest hit again and congestion worsened and has lingered longer than before, bringing along with it a weird sensation in my throat. Not pain or soreness, just inflammation or something. Again, nothing I’ve felt like that before. I find it hard to articulate what it is since I don’t know. I don’t even have a lot of phlegm or a cough, only what seems to be a sinus infection, tight chest and an inflamed throat. (Sometimes I just wish I could stick a camera down there and see what’s going on!). I’ve also had fevers off and on, and I sometimes lose my appetite because it’s already hard to breathe without a full stomach that’s being squished against my lungs!

I know all the suggestions for getting better but nothing seems to work. I’ve been resting often, trying to eating healthily, taking it easy in my daily tasks, drinking water, getting heaps of vitamin C, garlic, prenatal vitamins, etc. I even filled a sink with hot water and drops of tea tree oil, so I could inhale the vapor and get the natural antiseptic into my system. But nothing is seeming to kick this. (I hate that our immunity is lowered in pregnancy!)

Today my congestion is not as severe, but the pressure in my throat is more noticeable, making me imagine the worst—my throat closing up or something! But I try to remain calm and just chalk it up to pre-throat inflammation since there is pressure but no pain yet? It might be easy for a reader to say, “It’s just a cold! Chill out!” but it’s not like any cold I’ve experienced before. I’ve never just felt pressure in my throat like this.

I am just hoping it leaves soon. I haven’t been myself. Everything is difficult feeling this way. Since it’s taking awhile to leave, it’s hard not to worry this could be like this the rest of my pregnancy (3 months left until my due date! I am 26 weeks.) But I am trying to stay positive and remember that nothing lasts forever. That sicknesses leave and seasons come and go. This one’s just been holding on. I want to be normal again, full of energy and joy, able to go swimming, biking, walking. I love to be active.

As I mentioned in a previous post, this has been my worst experience with pregnancy so far, and it’s not even a true pregnancy symptom, just a normal thing exacerbated by pregnancy. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I wait for this thing to go!

Continue reading »]]> Our baby room is coming together. We painted the walls dark grey, over the less than desirable bright green they were originally from past tenants. A white paper lantern now surrounds the hanging ceiling light, and the cot that we found on Trademe is now sanded, painted and in its new spot. I shook the cot to test it for earthquakes. How much would it move? It’s pretty sturdy, thank goodness. It’s crazy we Christchurch folk have to think of these sorts of things.  Next on the list: replace yellow curtains, buy sheets for the cot.

As we prepare the room we are also mentally preparing as best we can for this new child. It’s hard to comprehend our family of two never being two again. A third member of this family is soon to arrive. After dating and being married to my husband for a total of seven years now, it’s so hard to picture someone else entering our little circle. We are thrilled but the idea of it blows our minds to try to imagine what it will be like. How long were you with your partner before you had your first child together?

*Kate*

Continue reading »]]> Like any newborn you bring home, there’s a bit of ‘settling in’ to get used to.

The car ride home is all exciting, the cat isn’t as shocked as you thought she’d  be and the flatmate thinks he’s the cutest pup out.    Everything’s dandy. Until…night fall…

As I woke  at 2am to barking on the first night, the thought did cross my mind, what have I  done?

While  momentarily lying there contemplating my next move,  I decided to put myself in Hugo’s shoes.   Here’s this poor wee pup, ripped from his mother and other puppy friends and brought into a strange house with a white fluffy rabbit toy as his only comfort.  That’d make anyone howl I thought.

So, as the barking intensified and I suddenly thought of annoyed flatmate and neighbours, I rose from my bed and dragged myself  into the lounge.

Like a switch at the sight of me, Hugo stopped barking!  Almost looking surprised i could hear that?  No way.  All I could think for some weird reason (maybe because I’m writing this blog on a parenting site) is thank goodness I don’t have to breast feed you now.

Everyone has the best advice for what to do with late night howling.  Ignore it, don’t ignore it, let him out for a wee without any attention,  shift him into the flatmates room.  It’s a tricky time figuring out a routine that’ll work harmoniously.   I think that’s the key though.  Don’t be too hung up on the  harmony part of it.  Having a pup takes consistency and patience… and a good glass of baileys (for myself).

If I thought night one was bad enough, night two was a disaster.  I thought I’d try the ignore tactic this time, so shifted him into the garage.  The thing is, the further away you shift them, the louder they bark!

So night three was back inside (as I thought it was a bit isolated out there for him) and after some  stern NO’s to any barking and ignoring of whimpers, he eventually got the idea and slept like a baby.  Some nights I still have to do the stern NO and then leave routine but hopefully we’re on our way to harmony now

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Growing up I never heard about home births and rarely knew of anyone having a natural birth. I naively thought going to hospital and having drugs or a caesar were automatic. But when I hit my mid-20s and friends started having babies, I happened to be surrounded by friends who were having home births or natural births in birthing centers. Those ladies opened my eyes to that whole world I never heard much about before then. After heaps of research, my husband and I are now fans of homebirths. We are thankful for the availability of medical services when dire circumstances occur, but we have come to appreciate the woman’s ability to birth naturally in a calm setting with a gentle and experienced coaching team. I could write a book about all the reasons we are pro-natural, pro-homebirth… but I’ll spare you the rant. We haven’t walked down this path before and we have yet to find out what my labour + delivery will actually be like, and we may end up needing medical intervention, but our plan is to birth at home and hope all goes smoothly. If complications arise, we are a short distance from hospital and have a fabulous midwife whom we trust and who is well-respected at the hospital.

A few things that influenced our decision: Friend’s experiences, The Business of Being Born documentary, Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way, personal research, etc. (There is a second, follow-up documentary called More Business of Being Born that we haven’t yet seen.)

This post might not be very enlightening for most Kiwi readers as New Zealand embraces midwifery and natural birth openly. I come from the USA where midwifery/homebirths are still illegal in some states! It seems quite ridiculous because many countries that embrace midwifery/homebirths have better mortality rates than the USA! For many of my friends and family, our decision to have a homebirth has some concerned. I understand their point of view, as many of us grew up uninformed about all the options and there is fear surrounding homebirth.

So I thought it would be fun to post links to some birth stories of women I know or friends of friends—all whom either had a homebirth or a natural birth at a birthing center. It’s helpful for me to get the play-by-play of their experience with labour, delivery, and meeting their child for the first time. Especially since I am a first time mum who is attempting a natural birth at home! I have gained strength and insight just reading the birth stories of other families who chose to do natural births. I thought I’d pass along some ones I’ve read recently. Enjoy! (Above photo is from Leah and Bryan’s birth of their son.)

—Melissa + Nick 

—Jen + Jeremy 

—Leah + Bryan 

—Shannon + Cory 

What’s your birthing plan? Do you have links to any birthing stories you’d like to share?

*Kate*

Continue reading »]]> I want to blog about the leg cramp I had this morning. It.was.that.bad. Haha. I bolted out from a dream, writhing in pain because it wouldn’t go away. The hot sting held its grip while I maniacally tossed around. My poor husband groggily woke, after realizing I wasn’t going to shut up, and came to my rescue, helping to massage out the stabbing-of-knives-like pain. I laid their whimpering like a four-year-old until it was gone. It.was.that.bad. Wow, you haven’t experienced a charlie horse until you experience a pregnancy charlie horse! I am still hobbling around this morning from the aftereffects. (Side note: During that minute of agony, I suddenly thought about labour and how you’re not supposed to fight contractions, react, writhe in pain, etc., but let them come, let them do their work, and stay calm, breathe. Here I was fighting this pain. Uh oh, I thought. Am I prepared for labour? Thankfully contraction pain isn’t stabbing and jolting like that was; it’s progressive and there’s an end to each one.)

Pregnancy symptoms can be manageable or horrendous. No two pregnancies are alike as our bodies react differently to the growing life inside of us. So far I think I’ve had a fairly average experience that hasn’t been too terrible. I’ve had most of the normal symptoms over the course of the last six months. First trimester brought nausea, food aversions, bouts of insomnia, fatigue, light cramping. Second trimester has been kinder to me, as anticipated, but I have had a cold in the last three weeks that won’t seem to leave. Symptoms are pretty mild except every few days my chest feels really tight and I feel asthmatic. I’ve never felt that before. I think it’s been the worst thing I’ve experienced so far in pregnancy. A chest cold combined with pregnancy-related shortness of breath is not very pleasant. Besides that, it’s just getting hard to sleep soundly as my belly grows and I’m having to sleep on my side. We’ll see what the third trimester brings my way!

What’s been your worst pregnancy symptom? 

*Kate*

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You could almost describe it as a pregnant thought (but think gestation period of an elephant) that finally gave birth to reality this week.  I’ve wanted a dog for ages and finally got round to actually getting one last sunday.   My decision came about after randomly surfing trade me (as you do) and stumbling across a beautiful golden retriever with  her litter of 8.  After a quick phone call and a trip to rolleston , i was the proud owner of a little black lab retriever cross, with brindle paws, white fleck on his chest and to finish him off, a white patch around his bottom! In case youre wondering how that combination happened – basically the neighbors black lab jumped the fence and thats all it takes in doggy land when a bitch is on heat.

There can sometimes be similarities between animals and humans and taking home a brand new puppy is a bit like a newborn baby in that they poo when and where they want,  they sleep heaps and they howl at hours of the night you’d rather they didn’t.  But the rewards far outweigh the challenges of stinky poo accidents and sleepless nights.   Hugo is adorable! ( but then doesn’t everyone think their own baby is cute!).  He’s also lots of fun and brings me lots of joy.  The cat isn’t as convinced with this black bouncing ball and then there’s the flatmate and neighbors to consider…  You know as well as i that a new addition to any household throws up all sorts of craziness.  Oh no, life isnt boring… but it is good.   Let’s see how things go.

Continue reading »]]> One thing that a lot of dads know too well is that little pang of disappointment when their toddler is upset about something, and runs right past dad to be comforted by mum. Sometimes, of course, dad is that person that tot always runs to, but usually it’s not, and that can make dads feel somewhat less important. I used to hear things like ‘I’m the family clown’ or ‘I’m baby’s funny man’ from new dads all the time, and what they often mean is: maybe baby doesn’t actually ‘need’ me, but at least I can keep the family happy.

The kind of ‘entertainment’ that dads provide for babies is actually learning of the highest quality – a highly trained early childhood professional couldn’t do it any better. By the tender age of 18 months, one study tells us, those toddlers that have been amply exposed to their fathers’  clowning around already have much better problem-solving skills than their more dad-deprived peers. (‘Problem solving’ for a toddler is measured, for example, by their ability to find ways around the physical obstacles we put in their way to protect our gear from their curiosity). And dad didn’t even use any ‘educational’ toys!

What dads don’t realise is quite how much they are being sucked in by their offspring. Children’s minds are often described as sponges, but that’s actually a bad metaphor. Children do not just absorb whatever information is around them like a sponge, they are actively seeking out the kind of information and experience that helps their development. Dad offers that kind of experience and information, and babies try hard to make sure he keeps doing it!

Ever wondered, for example, why babies tend to say something like ‘da-da’ well before they give their mum any verbal acknowledgement? Or why they do some ‘tricks’ only for them, like tongue-poking, funny face or some physical trick? Guys, it’s the oldest trick in the book: babies make you feel special and you’re bending over backwards to keep it that way, doing anything that will make them smile or laugh. Meanwhile baby’s brain is in overdrive forming useful connections.

Dads are also well known for their physical play, and we know that this speeds up babies’ physical development. What is less well known is that physical development is an essential pre-requisite for intellectual development. Infants and toddlers need to be able to move in order to get to where learning is happening for them (not always a place you like them to be), and they need to be able to use their hands in order to explore and manipulate objects, which is probably the single most important tool for intellectual learning in babies and toddlers.

Researchers believe that the father-infant relationship has unique qualities, based on a special bond that forms if given the opportunity. Other men such as grandfathers, uncles or stepfathers can contribute a lot, but they don’t affect the development of those children in quite the same way. The same is true for mothers, of course. The foundation for small children’s learning is laid in those quiet and tender moments, when attachment is formed both ways. It is this relationship, which opens up their minds to learn.